What Causes Dementia? A Family Member Deals With More Than One Loved One Who Suffers From It
       By: Janet Robinson-Gillmore
Posted: 2009-06-18 09:09:12
I am in my 60's and something has just struck me about the disease of dementia, that they call a sign of old age. I don't believe it's so. I see older people all the time who are riding bikes, power walking, playing card tournaments, doing senior Olympics, doing word puzzles and just plain living happy, productive lives. That's what I intend for myself.My mother is 90 and showing signs of dementia and our family is dealing with her panic attacks which seem to be related to her memory loss.
I have three sisters and one brother and we are becoming aware of behavior that dates back to when we were children. We were taught to take care of things around the house so our mother would not be stressed. Our lives were built around my mother. We are all care givers to some extent. We could cook and clean house before we were old enough to ride a bike.My mother was so afraid of life that she wanted to make sure that we were all there for her. She was so afraid of losing us that she created situations that would keep us apart ( emotionally and physically ) as siblings. She did the same with our father. We were never close to him as, somehow, everything that happened (that was not in our favour) was because of the 'head of the household'.Mother could never face things in life that were uncomfortable. She had a comfort zone that was the size of a shoe box. And she seldom sold the truth. We didn't realize that for most of our lives.Today, my sister says that she is seeing a side of mom that she hasn't seen before. She says that "she seems to be reduced to who she is". The game playing has subsided. Maybe she has forgotten the game.The other person in my life with this condition is my mother-in-law. She seems to have it more seriously, because her behavior to others is greatly affected. She is nasty at times and accuses her care-giving daughter of theft and abuse that is hurtful.I have known this lovely lady for only fifteen years, and as an objective observer, I could see the things that the family were not aware of. They just saw it as normal. That's the way it is with dysfunction in the family. We grow up not noticing the strangeness of it. An outsider can spot this stuff really well; even an outsider that has grown up in her own dysfunction family. We are all different and we all deal with life and it's challenges in a different way.Well my husband's mother hasn't told the truth for quite a while about so many things. There are family feuds that have festered and grown like cancer throughout the extended families, I have become acquainted with the outcasts and find that all of these stories were fabrications. They are stories made up by a lady who was insecure and jealous: a lady who had to be right about everything and so began to believe her own stories.We all do that, you know; tell ourselves stories. Sometimes we just don't like what is happening and we want it another way. So we tell ourselves untruths. Then because we care what others think, we tell them the same untruths. Somewhere along the way, we start to believe those stories.Some of us realize what we are doing and eventually face the truth and deal with it. As we evolve and grow, we start to face our issues and don't have as much trouble with the uncomfortable truth. Other people carry on with their charades for most of their lives.I think that the definition of mental illness is: the devices that people use to avoid the truth. I believe that it is true to a great extent.Now back to dementia or alzhiemers disease, as it is also called.I believe that the more we face life head on and deal with the truth of what has happened to us and how things are, the healthier we are mentally. To me, if we live life that is a fantasy, we will eventually create a disease based on fantasy. If the mind is continually being trained to accept what is not real, then eventually it will no longer know the difference between fantasy and reality.To live a healthy life in every aspect, we need to live consciously. This means to check ourselves out. Are we aware of why we do what we do? What are our values? Are we living by them or are we just living from day to day unconsciously?Our life is a gift to us. We are each special and unique. We are all given individual talents and characteristics and free choices to create our lives however we want. The better we feel about ourselves ( naturally), the less inclined we will be to deny how things are in our lives. And the more inclined we will be to deal with our 'stuff' as it shows up.So take time to evaluate who you are and what's important to you. Ask yourself if you are creating what's meaningful to you and how are you doing that. Love yourself unconditionally.Take care of yourself in every way. Eat nutritiously and, as a fitness coach. I would like to say please exercise regularly.Janet Robinson has been a student of personal development for all of her adult life and loves to write about it. She also has a business with her husband Terry, marketing personal development products.
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