Abuse in the Narcissism, Addictions, and Abuse Equation |
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By: Diane England, Ph.d. Posted: 2007-12-27 03:43:05 |
| Can you relate to this topic because you're in a relationship permeated with your partner's narcissism, addictions, and abuse? If you have read other articles I have written at my website, you probably know by now that so often, narcissism, addictions, and abuse occur together. Perhaps you've experienced domestic violence in the form of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, economic abuse, or sexual abuse perpetuated by your spouse with his unhealthy levels of narcissism? And while there is a chance you have known the pain of physical abuse as well, as I have pointed out before, the man who is narcissistic yet successful in the work arena-though not in his family life, certainly-is not as inclined to use physical abuse as are some abusers. After all, he doesn't like to raise eyebrows when he can get what he wants through these other forms of abuse or domestic violence anyway.The Verbally Abusive Relationship is Still an Abusive RelationshipAre you inclined to minimize the amount of abuse you suffer because it is verbal abuse versus physical abuse? Sure, physical abuse is potentially life threatening, and it would appear verbal abuse is not. But remind yourself verbal abuse can be emotionally debilitating. It wears you down. It leads to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. It can diminish your self esteem so that it might be impossible for you to function as you once did. And if you have noticed this about yourself and yet you remain with your abusive narcissist, I suspect the day will come when you'll relate to what I am about to say. For indeed, here I was rightfully calling myself Dr. Diane England as I taught and supervised graduate social work students, and yet I was increasingly finding it difficult to state a complete idea, especially in my husband's presence. So often, I would just let my words trail off and dissipate into thin air before I had fully expressed myself.Do you realize the level of stress your husband with his narcissism, addictions, and abuse might be causing you? Now, you might get away with submitting your body to unhealthy levels of stress for short period of time. But when you bombard it regularly week after week, month after month, and year after year, you are apt to become ill. And if you don't become ill, you are apt to suddenly find yourself accident prone.Hear the Message that Living with a Husband with his Narcissism, Addictions, and Abuse is Harming YouWake up and hear the message. Your body is trying to tell you something, just as mine was when I could barely string a few sentences together. No, I wasn't physically ill and, thank goodness, that never happened to me. But my brain was shouting it was being harmed by the verbal abuse, don't you suspect? Well, especially because since then, I have had no trouble giving speeches off the top of my head, for instance. So, while I wanted to kid myself it was normal aging and remain in my denial regarding the extent of the verbal abuse and emotional abuse that was part of the narcissism, addictions, and abuse equation of my marriage, my inability to think straight was my brain shouting at me and telling me: Wake up, woman. Look at the truth about your life. Get real!Physical abuse may be more difficult to ignore, though women certainly lie to their physicians and others about its causes often enough. But how many of us have ignored the cognitive, emotional and behavioral consequences produced by exposure to the verbal abuse and other forms of abuse favored by the narcissistic? Don't you suspect whatever you are being submitted to is overwhelming your sense of safety and security? After all, what you are experiencing is extreme, and it is threatening. His verbal abuse and other abuse is unpredictable and uncontrollable. In fact, it might be considered traumatic.It Doesn't have to be Result in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to be TraumaticMost of us think of a traumatic event as being just that-one event. However, there are certainly ongoing traumatic events. Being on the battlefield or in a war zone is one of them. And while you are not in Iraq or Afghanistan and suffering those types of horror, you are likely in your own war zone. You suit up in an emotional suit of armor everyday to deflect anticipated arrows constructed of abusive words and phrases your narcissistic husband slings at you intermittently, yet quite regularly nonetheless.If you have read research articles about traumatic events, perhaps you have seen the single traumatic event labeled Type I trauma. What you are experiencing, however, is Type II trauma-which refers to repeated or prolonged exposure. And in reality Type II trauma can have greater impact on your functioning than a single traumatic event.Responses to traumatic experiences are typically divided into four categories. There are the emotional responses that include shock, terror, guilt, horror, irritability, anxiety, hostility, and depression. There are the cognitive responses reflected in significant concentration impairment, confusion, self-blame, intrusive thoughts about the traumatic experience, lowered self-efficacy, fear of losing control, and fear of reoccurrence of the trauma. Biologically-based responses involve sleep disturbance, nightmares, an exaggerated startle response, and psychosomatic symptoms. Finally, there are the behavioral responses that may well include avoidance, social withdrawal, interpersonal stress such as decreased intimacy and lowered trust in others, and often times, substance abuse, too.Are You Ready to Get Real about the Destructiveness of his Narcissism, Addictions, and Abuse?His narcissism might lead your spouse to be abusive. His addictions might exacerbate the level of abuse. Do you understand why you owe it to yourself to acknowledge the truth about the abuse you suffer when you are married to a man who displays narcissism, addictions, and abuse? Remember, acknowledgment or facing up to the full extent of the problem is the first step towards creating change. And you do want changes in your life, don't you?Author Diane England, Ph.D., a licensed clinical social worker, writes self help articles about his narcissism; his addictions such as alcoholism, drug addiction, or sexual addiction; and his likely emotional abuse, verbal abuse, economic abuse, or sexual abuse, too. But she also addresses the woman's likely codependency issues and need for self development via spiritual growth. So, for more free articles on these topics plau spirituality articles or spirituality information, go to her website, addictions, abuse, recovery from codependency through spirituality and more, go to http://www.NarcissismAddictionsAbuse.com |
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