Paying Attention Without Resistance - Listening With More Heart Than Talent |
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By: Jeffrey Combs Posted: 2007-09-11 17:24:16 |
| Have you ever paid attention to the ringing of church bells on Sunday morning? If so, what do you listen to? Do you listen to the notes or to the silence between the notes?If you listened to the silence, wouldn't the notes have a different sound and quality? Listening to the silence is called listening below the surface and this is a technique I have been perfecting for the last few years. I have found that very few people know how to pay attention; therefore very few people know how to listen. It is very important in the game of life, entrepreneurship, sales, and marketing to hear what is really being said - the real meaning and what messages are being sent.Let's look at paying attention. Haven't you heard this old cliché: "Attention to detail"? What does it mean to pay attention? We were taught as children to: "Pay attention to what I say; Pay attention to your teacher; Pay attention in church; Pay attention when you cross the street," and many others. Remember in school how easy it was to drift off in science, math, or English when the subject matter didn't interest you at all?In general, we learned how to pay very little attention. I see many people that I coach, mentor with, and talk to who continue to perpetuate this same lack of attention to detail in their lives and careers. If we were taught how to pay attention, perhaps learning how to listen, prospect, sort, and close would be much easier for us and have a far greater significance.When your teacher told you to pay attention in school, what did it actually mean? It meant not to look out the window and to concentrate on what you were supposed to be studying. When you read a novel that has you on the edge of your seat, your mind is concentrated and you are so absorbed that you don't hear anything else. This is another form of attention; this pleasure is an escape.In the ordinary sense, paying attention is a narrowing process, is it not? Why is it that so many people have difficulty prospecting and hearing what people are saying and what message is being sent? The reason is that most people prospect the same way they were taught how to listen and pay attention in school. The average person ends up taking this whole process of listening, prospecting, and becoming successful as a painful process.Average people take rejection personally, operating from a position of fear. The message is sent telepathically that "I'm nervous; I'm afraid I'll make a mistake; I won't say the right thing; You are going to ask me how long I've been doing this and how much money I've made; I can't lead you; Don't send me money, I don't deserve it," and all other sorts of mixed messages. The average prospector seldom pays close attention due to the fact that there is a perceived pain of the whole process and it doesn't feel enjoyable.I believe there is a different kind of attention altogether. The attention which is generally advocated and taught is a narrowing of the mind to a point, which is a process of exclusion. The way we have been taught to pay attention in our past is really a way of resisting something such as the desire to look out the window or to see who is coming up the sidewalk. We divert our energy into resistance.This is exactly what happens in prospecting for most people. They know they are supposed to "pay attention," listen, sort, etc, but they get diverted, shut down, and start thinking about what to say instead of listening for the signs of interest or commitment form their prospects. The signs are missed and the chase is on! This becomes "tell and sell" rather than sort and lead. Any kind of prospecting involves two key elements, asking and listening, and it is really this simple when broken down.You learn to ask questions that allow people to open up and tell you a little about themselves in a manner they don't feel interrogated or threatened by. Instead, they feel you care about them and that you are listening. There is a flow in our conversation and at the same time you are direct and stay in complete control of the direction of the conversation. Very few people ever get to this comfort level in their careers and a large part of the reason why is due to the fact that they have to unlearn their old bad habits of paying attention and poor listening.In order to change, we must unlearn the way we were taught to exclude from the mind every thought but the one on which we want it to be totally concentrated. This is what most people mean by paying attention. I have found that there is a different kind of attention, a state of mind which is not exclusive, which does not shut out anything, and because there is no resistance, the mind is capable of much greater attention. Consciously, most people "want" (the operative word) to be successful; they see the opportunity in direct selling and networking as an opportunity to achieve their dreams and make changes in their lives. However, most people have a conditioned belief that success is difficult, painful, and a sacrifice.They have heard the word 'no' 148,000 times by the time they are eighteen years old, and have spent 20,000 meals with the wrong success coaches (their parents) and then struggle like their grandparents and parents, carrying an eight foot Grandfather Clock strapped to their waists like the rest of their relatives did and are doing in life. When you can enjoy what you do, you can take the pain out of your life and view the process as pleasure and fun, rather than pain and work. It is easier to succeed than it is to struggle. This takes a different kind of attention - one that is not resistance created.The kind of attention I am discussing is entirely different from what most people mean by attention and has tremendous opportunity because it is not exclusive. When most people concentrate on a subject, a topic, or a prospect, consciously or unconsciously they build a wall of resistance against the intrusion of other thoughts so their mind is not wholly there, and is not listening for the signs and sounds below the surface. Only 40% of communication is verbal; the other 60% is non-verbal. You are only partially there despite however much attention you pay, because part of your mind is resisting any intrusion, any deviation, or distraction.Let's look at distraction. You want to pay attention (to your prospect and what is being said), but your mind wanders, thinking about what not to say (fear based), then part of your mind resists the so-called distraction and there is a waste of energy in the resistance. Whereas, if you are aware of every movement of the mind from moment to moment then there is no such thing as a distraction. This also greatly enhances your ability at recall.On a weekly basis I ask my clients about their particular prospects - who they talked to, where they were from, what they did, etc. - and I am amazed at how most people have no recall of what was spoken (no attention to detail). Learning how to change how you pay attention or taking the perceived pain out of the process will greatly enhance your ability to prospect and sort and make the process much more enjoyable. You don't waste as much time and energy in resisting success. This will assist you in your perception of this whole process of you becoming successful.When you listen both to the sound of what the prospect is saying and to the silence between the words, the whole of that listening is paying attention. Similarly, when someone is speaking, attention if the giving of your mind not only to the words, but also to the pure silence between the words. This is because you are not thinking about what to say. You get comfortable enough with yourself (who you are and what you are becoming) that you speak from your intuition.I call this speaking fast on your feet. If you experiment with this technique, you will find that your mind can pay complete attention without distraction and without resistance. When you discipline your mind by saying, "I must not look out of the window; I must not get up and turn on the TV or computer; I must pay attention even though this is painful and I want to do something else," it creates a division which is very destructive because it dissipates the energy of the mind.But if you listen comprehensively so that there is no division and therefore no form of resistance, then you will find that the mind can pay complete attention to anything without effort. Do you understand? Pleasure not pain (a new perception) sort not sell. You can't say the wrong thing to the right person. You start to hear from a different level. You start to hear and understand language that is resistance oriented and hear how questions and why questions from a different perspective.This is a different concept that we are accustomed to. Most people try to discipline the mind so tightly that it cannot deviate or just let it wander from one thing to another. What I am describing is not a compromise between the two; on the contrary it has nothing to do with either. It is an entirely different approach; it is to be totally aware so that your mind is all the time attentive without being caught in the process of exclusion.Practice what I am saying and you will quickly see how your mind can learn. You can listen to your prospects from anew perspective and see that there is not the effort of learning.After all, if you know how to listen to what your prospect is telling you about their life or their reasoning and you can listen without any resistance because your mind has space and silence and is therefore not distracted. You will be aware of what they are telling you, but what they are telling you below the surface. I call this reading what people are telling you subconsciously. This also opens you up for a better inwards response. Your self talk will improve as well.We all know what space is. There is space in your house, between your house and car, between you and your desk - all that is space. Now there can be space in your mind - this allows you not to overreact or take personal remarks and statements prospects make. You can start to hear excuses and no then depersonalize them. If your mind has space, then in that space there is silence - and from that silence everything else come without resistance.This is why it is important to have space in the mind. If the mind is not preoccupied with struggle, pain, and fear, not over crowded, not ceaselessly occupied, then it can hear the background noise and be fully aware of what is being said.Jeffery Combs is an internationally recognized speaker, trainer, and author committed to assisting people with personal growth and development. He can be contacted online http://moreheartthantalent.com/motivational/ or toll free 800-595-6632.Jeffery & Erica Combs host The More Heart Than Talent Mindset Conference each and every January to assist you to create quantum leaps to success in your enterprise by bringing world-class speakers and personal development experts together in an inspiring and empowering 3 day forum EVERYONE can afford to attend! |
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