Can a Guy Separate Business from Pleasure When a Female is in the House

       By: Dan Nichols
Posted: 2006-12-02 22:29:00
Hi, my name is Dan Nichols. I am a small business coach/consultant and recently had an editor with a major online women's business newsletter "ok me" to develop some columns for her readership from a male’s point of view. My goal is to help her readers take a shovel or two off the anemic soil of a man’s brain and invite them into the unexplored depths (or shallows) of the male psyche.She explained that one issue that comes up fairly often is that from time to time women just want to be one of the guys and hang out, possibly even enjoying a beer with their co-workers. Without a hitch she says at least one of the men will take even a simple smile or laugh in his direction as an advance and move forward with a proposition. If you’re thinking the proposition has anything to do with their careers, then you probably haven’t been out “with the guys” for a beer in quite a while. Now, let me shed the male perspective on this scenario.A girl, CAN NOT be one of the guys no matter how hard she may try. Talk with your doctor about that if you have any questions. A man will even try to turn the most seasoned lesbian around in hopes of gaining an opportunity to satisfy his hard wired male mind. You see, as men we’re cursed to be forever on the hunt. It is not an issue of choice -- we’re hard wired. We may be able to keep our true nature actively in check but the truth is, that is as good as it gets – in check. My wife is absolutely beautiful and as hard as I try, if the right woman walks by or begins a conversation with me, my mind goes primitive. Whether it’s business or pleasure is irrelevant, men don’t separate the two. For most men, they’re fortunate enough to see the raging hormones of youth subside a bit as they age. I can clearly recall wishing there was a switch to control the thoughts that accompanied the chemical currents as they raged through my brain. Being able to control this would have meant an ability to actually concentrate on the task at hand for more than 7 seconds at a time. I firmly believe these teen years create a lasting imprint and a habit that proves impossible to break. I don’t want to speak categorically for all men as I am sure there are at least a few out there that this doesn’t apply to but most guys I know helplessly have the hunt switch stuck to on. Let me make it clear that I am not implying that us married men “gather” what we hunt, though some do, but I am simply stating that our radar regularly demands our attention. The best I can do is to turn the other way as soon as possible using a technique called bouncing.So next time a man surprises you with a “more personal” proposition consider for a moment who you should be frustrated with -- you, for expecting anything different or the helpless (sympathy ploy) male for acting out of instinct?Ladies, if you want to reduce the potential for guys doing what guys do, here are 4 simple tips but they are far from foolproof.1) Mention your husband or boyfriend at least once near the beginning of the night and occasionally throughout. You don’t have to bring it up every other minute but you do have to drop it into the conversation enough that you can kill the hope they (men) build between each mention.2) Wear the ring on the “I’m married” finger whether you are or not. Men are quick to see it right away. It does not matter if it looks like a wedding ring as it creates a subconscious message either way and truth be told guys don’t really know the difference anyhow. To most men, a wedding ring is a yield sign.3) Be careful not to ask too many personal questions to the men in the group. Keep the conversation very topical. Men don’t generally go deep and neither should you unless that is your intention.4) Don’t wear suggestive clothing. Recall the hunter mentality of men? No short skirts or revealing necklines. The less you show the easier it will be for guys to refrain.The bottom line ladies, is that being one of the guys will always be a challenge but hopefully the tips above will shed some male perspective on it for you. This gets me to thinking about psychology in general as it relates to business. What is one thing you find most difficult to overcome in your own psyche as a woman in business? Be sure to write me and let me know. I'd love to respond and shed the "male perspective" on it.
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