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             24 January, 2021
 

    
Category:  Articles » Self Improvement » Stress-Management

 

Don't Worry - Be Happy

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         Views: 1395
2010-10-18 08:17:03     
Article by Jeffery Saunders

The key to challenging worry is to question the perspective that your problem is permanent, such as "I've made a disastrous mistake, and I always make terrible mistakes." Also challenge beliefs which suggest that your problems are out of your control, but under the control of others - the powerless perspective, such as "When they find out what I did, I'll be embarrassed and never asked back again."

Also look for beliefs that make you look inferior, where you personalize the situation and convince yourself that it's all about you. "I hate the way I'm unable to say what I think. People must think I'm stupid." This sort of thinking promotes a mindset that the future will be disastrous because of something you can't control (such as another's viewpoint), or can't be (such as conversational), now. It's as if a problem 'now' means a problem is sure to pop up 'then'.

Manage the present.

Trust you'll manage the future when it arrives.

The fear is of being almost certainly swamped by terrible emotions - such as shame, inadequacy, or embarrassment. It's these emotions our worry is trying to avoid having us experience. Furthermore, it is not the reality that is the problem here, but your imagined reality. Concentrate on what you can do now, and trust that you will solve other problems once you have more information, or once you are in a position to act. This will enable you to live in the now, and know that whatever comes up now, you will have the resources to cope.

Pessimistic thinking will minimize a positive experience, whilst maximizing in your mind the future impact of any 'bad' one. A pessimist can't win - their mind will ensure that they lose each time. An optimist, by comparison, will back herself even when her confidence is misplaced. Experience shows, though, that those who are confident normally do succeed, and thus their confidence is justified.

Future fears indicate old wounds.

Future confidence indicates trust in self.

I notice that I slip into worrying most easily in relation to money and financial security. I can blow out of proportion any large expenses I face as if they are going to bankrupt me, and can easily fear running out of funds in the future. I have watched and come to understand this tendency I have, and so I seek the factual evidence regarding my finances, and sit down to work out the facts. I also notice that if I can develop a more rational perspective on these matters, I can allay my concerns.

Sometimes I will awaken at night thinking about expenses I have to pay, and I realize that I can also slip into resentment if I perceive that the expense is unfair. If I don't deal to these thoughts quickly, I can allow my thinking to head off into negative ruminating. However, now that I know my pattern, I have developed a strategy of seeking the facts that enable me to work out solutions rather than fearing the unknown or indeed the unknowable.

I realize also that my motive for worrying is the fear of being out of control, being shamed by being unable to meet my financial commitments, fearing having to face my creditors, or fearing having too little money to live on. Knowing all this helps me to see that I'm over-reacting, and to let such thoughts drop away.

Seek to know what underlies your fears.

You will find an emotion you want to avoid experiencing.

Visit http://www.jefferysaunders.com for numerous articles on personal development and spiritual development.

Jeff Saunders has taught personal development and trained others in this field for over twenty years. He's a counsellor, psychotherapist and life coach in private practice, and has trained counsellors, teachers and business people in the fields of communication, personal or professional development, and couples relationships. He's written numerous articles for magazines on relationships and personal development, usually with a spiritual focus.

Specialized in: Worry - Happy
URL: http://www.jefferysaunders.com/
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