Home Add to Favorite Contact Submit  
             28 January, 2021

Category:  Articles » Home Management » Elder Care


Caregivers: It's Not Your Fault!

         Views: 1369
2007-01-06 02:13:30     
Article by Pat Samples

Caregivers are artists at feeling guilty. Check it out for yourself. How many times a day do you sink into self-blaming thoughts such as, “I’m so terrible because I put my husband/wife/parent in a nursing home…because I just couldn’t stay up all night when he/she was sick…because I don’t know the right thing to do.” Sometimes I think guilt is the caregiver’s state religion!

Caregivers care so much that they assume they are responsible for how everything turns out.

Not so.

The illness of someone we love and a great many of the surrounding circumstances are out of our control. True, we can do a number of things to try to be helpful, but we’re not responsible for the outcome. Really!

That’s one of the hardest things to accept about being a caregiver. We can’t control the illness, or how the medication works, or how the medical or social service systems work (for the most part), or how our loved one or anyone else around us thinks, feels, or acts. Oh, how we want to! We’d sure like things and people to be different than they are. And if we have any controlling tendencies, by golly we’re going to jump in there and get things straightened out, aren’t we?

Sometimes, that’s a good thing. We go to bat for our loved one to get them what they need against all odds, and we feel darn proud of it.

But mostly, a whole lot of what happens when someone we love is sick is out of our control, and no matter how determined we are or how nice we try to be, we can’t change it. We especially can’t change how others around us think or behave. And in truth, we’re not in charge of that. That’s their business. We’re only responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Yet, we may find ourselves getting all scowl-faced over how others are acting, and then on top of that, blame ourselves for not being able to fix them to our liking.

Well, maybe we’re taking on way more than makes sense. We’re assuming we should do everything perfectly and also taking the blame if others aren’t perfect as well. The catch is that, even if we got everyone around us acting “right,” we still can’t control the outcome. Illnesses will get better or worse. We’ll be too tired to do more sometimes. People will be happy -- or not. Our insistence on having things turn out different than they do, and the guilt we take on when it doesn’t happen, only serve to wear us out.

For the most part, we’re not in control, and the good news is we don’t have to be. We can take ourselves off the hook. We do what makes sense in each moment, and that’s enough. (Really now, what more can we do?) In the end, we’re better off if we trust the outcome to a power greater than ourselves and kiss guilt goodbye.

Specialized in: Pat Samples - Aging - Caregiver - Daily Comforts For Caregivers - Self-care For Caregivers - Comfort - Self-care - Caregiving - Family Caregiver - Family Caregiving - Caregivers - Motivational Speaker - Speaker - Twelve Steps - Wisdom - Peace Of Mind - Serenity - Editor - Body Wisdom
URL: http://www.agingandcaregiving.com
Print article      Bookmark this page
Related Articles 
Distinguish between good and bad care home (Popularity: ): Research indicates the mortality rates at critical care homes are less than the national average mortality rate. Therefore, taking your critically ill in accordance with one of these homes would increase their survival rate tremendously. However, you should observe that while all homes work at enhancing the welfare of the patient, some facilities are better. It is therefore necessary to choose the best critical care homes for the patient. The ...
Medical Walkers - What Brands and Features Are Available? (Popularity: ): Life is tough enough when you have mobility problems. When just walking to the mailbox is too much, using a walker is a big help. There are plenty of options in medical walkers, so there should be no problem finding on that will suit your particular needs. What helps is knowing the brand names, model numbers and features are out there so you can make an informed decision and a ...
Recognizing Elder Abuse (Popularity: ): Abuse can happen for any age group, including adults and the elderly who may be too frail or physically and mentally challenged to defend themselves. Every year, incidents are reported by witnesses or individuals who have witnessed or had "hunches" about claimed abuse reports. There is a question of how many others are being unreported. That is why it is important to recognize abuse when it takes place. After all, ...
Proactive Care - Staying in Tune With Our Elderly Parents (Popularity: ): Aging is a natural process. We cannot reverse it or prevent it. It's another stage in our lives. Our retirement years are just another stage in our lives. During our retirement years we undergo physical, mental and emotional changes. As your parents age you may notice these changes. This is the time to get involved in your parents lives. Taking a little bit of time to stay connected with our ...
Talking About Sensitive Subjects With Older Parents (Popularity: ): Caring for a senior citizen requires talking about sensitive subjects. If you are providing care for a parent or grandparent, you may feel awkward bringing up certain issues. This feeling is understandable. Still, discussing these issues is necessary for ensuring the senior citizen loved one is kept safe and provided the best care.When initiating a conversation that may make the senior citizen uncomfortable, try a non-threatening approach. Begin by saying, ...

Related Business 
24 Hour Caregivers (Popularity: ): 24 Hour Caregivers is a family owned and operated company that provides non-medical in home caregivers services within the Los Angeles County. Allen Tahir, the founder of 24 Hour Caregivers has implemented over 10 years of personal healthcare and business experience into laying the foundation of 24 Hour Caregivers purely from personal care, and customer service. We believe that to provide an exceptional service, we must first establish a rapport ...
Caregivers.ca (Popularity: ): Placement agency featuring a searchable resume database of caregivers, mostly from overseas.
Resources for caregivers (Popularity: ): Products and information for Australian caregivers and seniors.
Family Focus Working Caregivers (Popularity: ): Provides alternative medicine advice. This site of Personal Voice Inc.(Family-Focus-Working-Caregivers.com) has a helpful introduction to caregiving letter, help for Moms in the middle (and other busy working caregivers), the sandwich generation who has children under 21 and older family member of concern.
Caregivers in Canada (Popularity: ): Canadian company recruiting nannies, caregivers and au pairs worldwide and placing them in Greater Toronto Area.
Coaching Caregivers LLC (Popularity: ): Caregivers find solutions to caregiving problems and a desire to begin or resume personal and professional goals.
Home Care In Denver (Popularity: ): Denver caregivers company, GoldLeaf Caregivers, offers in-home care services to Colorado. Whether you need assistance around the clock or for a few hours a week, our caregivers can help. In-home care is just that- the ability to attend to a person’s needs from the comfort of their own home. Home is a feeling of belonging, of having a favorite chair, of knowing one's way around the kitchen, of looking out ...
Family caregiver Alliance (Popularity: ): Organization to advance high-quality, cost-effective policies and programs for caregivers. Offers information & assistance for caregivers.
Right Choice Nanny (Popularity: ): Right Choice Nanny is one of Canada's largest and most reliable placement agencies. Specializing in placing live-in nannies/caregivers in homes across Canada, we are dedicated to placing only our top, highly qualified and well-screened caregivers.nanny services Our Licensed Affiliates in over 26 countries worldwide conduct one on one interviews with the applicants to ensure that our Caregivers are top of the line!
Niagara Caregivers and Personnel (Popularity: ): Referring live in and live out nannies, caregivers for children, seniors and special needs patients in Canada.