For the New Widow -- What We Worry About

We are alone. And we worry about that. We worry we will die alone.

We buried our life partner. And now we worry about who will bury us? Who will walk our dogs, who will feed our cats when we're gone?

We don't worry about who will spend our money. Instead, we worry we will be homeless -- We'll push a grocery cart with a shopping bag filled with our belongings - or, worse yet - we won't need a grocery cart, won't need a shopping bag because we won't have belongings.

We worry about Social Security benefits. We didn't know we must be age 60 in the Federal government's eyes in order to receive disability benefits.

We worry about long term health insurance. We've read the teensy print at the bottom of the contract and we worry how will we manage six months before that kicks in?

We worry about children -- Ours. What if something happens to them?

We worry we will get sick. Who will buy ginger ale? Who will walk the dog, feed the cat if we're not there.

We don't worry who to call in an emergency. We believe there is no one.

We worry about a car, if we own one. What if it breaks down or never starts again?

We worry about a place to go; about no place to go. And after we get there, we worry about wanting to go home.

We worry if we gain weight; lose weight. Is our hair too long; too short, too gray; too dark? Does this dress make our butt look fat?

Will there be sunshine tomorrow? We get depressed when it rains; when it doesn't.

We worry about money. We worry we are a burden - To friends, to family, to society.

We don't worry about calling our children. We know they are entitled to their own lives, and when we forget, they remind us.

We worry about how we'll spend holidays -- Thanksgiving, Easter... Who will help us hang mistletoe and Stars of David?

We worry about a little voice inside our heads. We know it's a make-believe monkey who lives up there and we can handle that.

But sometimes it feels like the make-believe monkey is an army of monkeys. We worry if we tell someone they'll think we're crazy.

We worry we will lose our mind. We worry we already have.

We worry we are stupid, dumb, crazy, mean, unkind, and just plain ugly. We worry when we make a mistake it is because of all these traits.

We worry will we meet someone? We worry we won't. We worry we’ll care.

We worry he will get sick. We worry he will die.

We worry we can't trust in God. Ever Again!

We worry no one understands. We don't know how to tell another we're going through the grief process and doing the best we can.