The fears of a first time father

       By: le Perdu
Posted: 2006-10-06 23:15:03
I have been doing a lot of thinking nowadays, the kind of thinking that one does when they becoming acutely aware that their life is about to change in a major way. The kind of thinking that leaves one feeling scared, excited, apprehensive and timid at various times throughout the day, and helps you loose a great deal of sleep. Our first child is scheduled to arrive in this world on November the 7th, just a few frightening weeks away. With each passing day I am growing increasingly nervous and the stress is building up rapidly. So here are a few not so random thoughts that are kicking around my head, heart and soul… My wife and I dated for 2 years, were engaged for 2 more years and have been married for 5 years, during this time we have not spent much time on the topic of procreation. We have traveled around the world; worked up the nerve to move to a different continent, even taken the time to educate ourselves, but the topic of children was never really high up on the list of things to be done. Then came Christmas 2004 when we decided to end the practicing and start trying to start our family. Talk about a scary thought. As luck would have it on April Fool’s day, we discovered that we were going to have a child. Go try telling your parents that your pregnant with their first grandchild on April Fools Day. Trust me, it is a hard sell. We had to carry the positive pregnancy test around for a couple of weeks just to provide proof to the doubters. From the second the test came back positive I decided that we would not find out the babies gender until the moment of its delivery. The joys of modern medicine have provided expectant parents with the ability to find out just about anything about their child. If you let them the doctors will perform dozens of tests every week and it seems like you don’t have a choice about what tests or scans you and the baby will be subjected to.Don’t get me wrong, we have certainly had many opportunities to find out our baby’s gender but we have adamantly avoided it at every turn. We have diligently informed all our doctors who have needed to perform ultrasounds and other tests that we do not want to know the gender under any conditions. Even though my wife has been desperate to know and it has been slowly killing her, she has now resided herself to the fact that we will both find out at its moment of birth. The last 8 months seem to have whizzed past in some kind of crawl interspersed with moments that I vividly remember as being completely blurry. I do however, remember the first time I felt it kick. I vividly remember the rush of feelings that pounded through my entire being…my baby was alive and growing.
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