Bullying at Work - What to Say to the Workplace Bully |
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By: Valerie Cade Posted: 2008-10-18 08:34:54 |
| Probably the most common question I receive from workplace bullying targets aside from "Why Me?" and "Why Does the Bully Do What They Do?" is this question:"What can I say to the bully?"Most targets of bullying in the workplace do not want to "take it anymore," and rightly so. Most targets also feel that by saying something, they themselves will gain back some measure of the power they feel they have lost.Consider saying something if:1. You realize the fact that you were targeted to be bullied is not your fault.2. You truly do not expect the bully to change. Hoping so will in fact decrease your power.3. You can say something with confidence and then walk away; not engaging in dialogue with expectations of realizations and negotiations.By saying something to the bully you may:1. Set a boundary to let the bully know their workplace bullying tactics are not appropriate and you will not tolerate them.2. Feel empowered and more confident because it is you that hasset the boundary.You can say it in two ways:1. In person (write it out first, practice, then go for it)2. In writingHere's an example:A. "Since ___________" (state the amount of time)B. "You have chosen to conduct behavior towards me that is _______":(list two-three behaviors that are specific and clear such as: threatening, unacceptable, inexcusable, intimidating, condescending).C. "Specifically you have _________:"(list two-three things they have done specifically to you).D. Be brief and to the point listing the 'what.' "What you have done has no validity and I believe you do this in order to gain more control." (You are telling them you know).E. "Your behavior ____________:"(tell what it does to you, for example: prevents me from completing my work, causes me to not be informed and therefore not contribute properly).F. "I am asking you to stop behaving _________ (list the behaviors again) this way towards me, effective immediately. A copy of this letter will remain on file. I will take further action if you do not comply with my request.Sincerely, (your name)."Valerie Cade is a workplace bullying expert and author of Bully Free At Work. Find out the Top 39 Tips to stop workplace bullying |
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