Addicted To Struggle |
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By: Betty Mahalik Posted: 2007-08-27 16:27:38 |
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You've probably heard the old saying: "If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all." For too many people there is a corollary to that saying as well: "If it wasn't for struggle I'd have no life at all." I hope as you read this you don't find yourself in that description, but in case you do, take a moment and reflect on this question: Am I addicted to struggle?Over the decade-plus that I've been coaching others to experience greater abundance and success with less struggle, I have encountered more than a few people who are absolutely addicted to struggle. For many people, struggle gives them a sense of identity that is so strong the mere suggestion that there might be another way to live strikes fear in their hearts. For many, who have been brought up with the "no pain, no gain", or "life has to hurt or it isn't life" paradigms the thought of a life of "flow" instead of chaos, stress and struggle just doesn't seem possible.Here are some of the more common reasons we become addicted to struggle:
* Childhood programming: "Life is hard so you'd better get used to it!" * Dysfunctional role-models: martyrs, overachievers, strugglers * Addiction to adrenaline: "If I don't struggle, I might not even get out of bed in the morning!" "I love deadlines--they motivate me!" "I do my best work at the last minute!" * Identification with the struggler role: "I've always been a struggler" * Positive reinforcement of the "struggler" identity: "You poor thing, you work so hard and look what happens" * Fear of life losing its "edge" if there is no struggle: "I like living on the edge; it feels right" Can you think of others? I invite you to look at how much struggle you've got going on in life, and consider this: it doesn't have to be this way. You can actually lead a life of joy, flow and peace. Here are some tips for how to let go of "stuggle-itis":1) Pay attention to where you struggle and begin looking for simpler, less complex paths to getting what you want. Get used to asking the question: Is there a simpler, less stressful way of getting this result? 2) Ask yourself what you gain by having so much struggle in life. A journal will be useful in recording your answers. Look for patterns. 3) Imagine what life would look like if you didn't have to struggle so much. What comes up? Do you get frightened at the mere thought? Maybe it simply seems too good to be true, but trust me, if you can imagine it, you can create it. 4) Pay attention to where you get "energy. There are healthy and unhealthy forms of energy. Getting attention for your "struggler" role, or manufacturing crises just because it feels so good on the other side is a recipe for a lifetime of struggle. 5) Develop a vision for your life (healthy energy). When you start "coming from" your vision instead of your fears, life changes. Constantly ask yourself: "If I was coming from my vision of a great life, what would I be doing or not doing right now?" 6) Be willing take baby steps. For example: decide you'll no longer allow yourself to be late for appointments, or get upset in traffic, or spend time griping or complaining to others. You may not initially have much to talk about but spending time talking about your struggles only serves to reinforce them. 7) Look for little joys in life. We get to live life one minute at a time. Start paying attention to what brings you joy. Remember that what you focus on expands, so be grateful for the small moments of joy and they'll grow. 8) Start asking others for support. Studies show that those who sincerely seek the support of others in life (and are willing to lend support as well) find life more joyful, less stressful and more fulfilling.These are simple, but powerful steps to disconnecting the power sources for struggle. The last one may be particularly challenging for those of us who suffer from BMS--By Myself Syndrome* (like me!). But having just asked a dear friend to accompany me to an important medical appointment for moral support was a breakthrough for me, and it felt so much better than going it alone. Be willing to start.This week try on this affirmation: "I am willing to let go of struggle, take the path of least resistance and allow myself to be supported." Ahhhhhhhhh........now doesn't that feel good?Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe go to: http://www.dynamic-coaching.com |
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