Life Is Not Fair... But It Can Be Fabulous
       By: Karen Senteio
Posted: 2007-05-16 10:16:08
Sometimes, we spend a lot of time lamenting over how unfair life is and how we got the short end of the stick. We can be stuck in this unproductive conversation for days, weeks, months and even years. Sometimes, we are so bothered by unfairness that we start to complain to others about the short end of the stick and what is has done to us. We start a swirling cyclone of angst and suck others into our vortex. Unfortunately, many times others have their own vortex, so combined; it creates the mother of all vortexes. The sucking sound is deafening and the illusion is created that we are stuck in this very bad place.I can understand how we can come to this. However, I am here to tell you that it is a spirit crusher and a total waste of your precious time. There is no universal or spiritual law that supports fairness. Life is bumpy, interesting, ugly, challenging, exciting and fabulous. There is no room for fairness. Fairness would mean that everything would be the same with no deviations or differences. What would be the fun in that? If you want to truly live, move pass the pursuit of fairness and opt for the pursuit of fabulous.Fabulous means that you take a bumpy and imperfect ride, but it can be scenic. Every experience is data you need to make new choices, some big and some small, that take you down different paths, roads and canyons. You meet folks along the way that are contributors, supporters, detractors and extractors. Some add to your life in fantastic ways; some are emotional drains and some try to take you down attempting to erase your hopes and your dreams. It can be raggedy at times, but you can always ask yourself what you have learned, file it and keep moving. You will be stronger.If you are not quite there yet, lament over unfairness, but make it very short lived and then leave it behind you. Do not rob yourself of a life lesson that could make you stronger and more resilient. Maybe you are being prepared for a greater and more magnificent opportunity that requires more fortitude than you currently possess. Maybe the imperfect ride opens your eyes, shakes you up and hands you the last straw you needed to move on. Fed up can be motivating.I remember a point in my life where I truly understood how toxic the pursuit of fairness could be. It became a lunchtime pastime for a group of colleagues I lunched with every day. I always knew expecting fairness was toxic, but I witnessed it in its purest form where it was almost liquid and had the potential to stick to my spirit.I was at lunch with a group of work friends and we were sharing one story after another about how miserable we were. We were overlooked, our fantastic skills were not utilized and we were doing more work than anyone else was. It was not fair, but we were looking for it. This went on and on and I realized this was not something we just did this one time; it had become a daily lunchtime pastime. This was a very talented group of people and everyone did work hard. The problem was looking for fairness got in the way of pursuing or creating new opportunities. Our energy focused on something that would never serve us.When I looked at the faces that went along with the 'fair talk, they were furrowed and stressed. It wasn't pretty. We were prematurely aging ourselves with this talk and it was going nowhere. You try it. Say fairness and try not to frown. It cannot be done. Now say, fabulous. Much better, isn't it.No one seemed to realize that there was enough data to make the choice to leave their miserable jobs behind. We were so engrossed in the 'unfairness' of it all, that we were in some sort of paralysis and stopped talking about opportunities, growth, passion and dreams. We were in the vortex. But, that day, I saw the insidious 'fairness' monster for what it was and had enough. I slowly got up from the table and declared that I was done spending my lunchtime in the toxic fairness vortex. I declared that I would not be in the same position three months from then. I broke the fairness vortex and was ready to move on in pursuit of fabulous. I had a new position within two months.The pursuit of fabulous is a far better way to spend your time. Switching your mindset from what you are not doing to what you are accomplishing is a completely different mindset. It changes the talk from 'not' to 'will'. It changes your outlook from barriers and impediments to opportunities and challenges. What a relief for your mind, body, spirit and soul.The change in attitude will attract others who are forward thinking like you and want to see you succeed. You will be sitting with supporters, innovators, the movers, and the shakers. You will repel the detractors, doubters and negaholics. You are done with the vortex. You are done with looking for fairness and can handle the bumpy ride that life brings. You are ready to live completely and choppy understanding that there are curves, missteps, winning and losing. Most of all, you take it all in, the good with the bad and carry on. When you fall, you brush yourself off and get up again. Bruised maybe, but that is okay. You are alive and ready to live luscious, jazzed and open wide. Fabulous is far better than fair.
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