8 Keys To Discovering Happiness in Your Life
       By: Norman Barlow
Posted: 2006-12-08 23:46:19
In working with thousands of people over the past twenty years as a psychotherapist and NLP Practitioner, I have noticed that there are certain key qualities that exist in the lives of those who are "happy" and who seem "vibrant" about life. These qualities are;1. They Refuse to Live Up to the Label of being a VictimHappy people have had their share of being used used, hurt, mistreated or abused. However, instead of attending little self help groups with people who have had similar experiences and reviewing the pain of it all over and over again on a weekly basis, happy people process their emotional and psychological pain and move on. they have learned that "the more you stir it, the more it stinks"2. They Lower Their Expectations When it Comes to OthersHappy people do not get all upset when others fail to show up on time, forget things or do not follow through with their intentions. Happy people realize that we are all human and if others actually do follow through with their commitments then that is a bonus. Happy people look for the good qualities in others and are quick to realize that everyone is under stress and has their personal challenges they are dealing with which makes keeping promises sometimes difficult for some to do.3. They Do Not Complain About Their ProblemsWhatever we talk about we multiply in our lives. Happy people refuse to go on and on about what medications they are taking, their aches and pains and all the things that have "gone wrong" in their lives. Happy people actually reframe and relabel their challenges and try to look at them in a humorous light. Happy people are quick to compliment others, tell them their strengths and quickly shift the focus of the conversation away from things related to their aches and pains and difficulties.4. Happy People have A Clear Purpose In LifeI have submitted an article on the net on "How To Discover Your Purpose In Life" if you have not discovered yours yet. Happy people have a sense of identity and are living in harmony with their purpose in life. When we do not know our purpose in life we feel frustrated and angry eventually leading us into depression. We often balme everyone and everything for the way we feel as we drag ourselves through another day like a slow moving car with a driver unable to see in the midst of a snow storm not knowing the direction they are headed. Happy people know their purpose in life and take one small step each day to work toward living it out and review their progress.5. Happy People Quit Depending On others "To Make Them Happy"Once we depend on others to make us happy we place ourselves in the vulnerable position of leaving our state of happiness under the control of another.6. Happy People Have A Selective MemoryUnhappy people take many personal tours through their personal "Hall of Shame" and "Hall of Fame". Happy people often walk through their own personal "Hall of Fame" and review the powerful and positive moments in their lives. I recall being in the home of a multi-millionaire who had a room specifically designed with pictures, large size news articles about him and memorabilia mounted on the wall. he even had the baseball glove when he was a child when he caught the ball leading his team to victory catching a pop fly. It was his special "Hall of Fame" he visited when he felt depressed or unsure of his abilities during tough times. His collection served him as "anchors" that triggered good memories and positive states. Now, I don't have such a room. However, each morning I am greeted by a plastic cut out of "Tigger" from Winnie The Pooh. When I look at it as I wake up it reminds me to live my life like "Tigger" today, to adopt his philosophy of life to some degree. It serves as an "anchor".7. Happy People Let Go of the Little ThingsApparently in some cultures they catch monkeys by placing a banana in a cage. the monkey crawls in, grabs the banana and pulls on it to take it. As he pulls on it it forces the door to cage shut trapping him inside. Freedom awaits the monkey if only he would let go of the banana, since this would release the mechanism closing the door of the cage. Trappers know that no matter how desperate the monkey is wanting to be free, they will not let go of the banana and thus remain trapped inside the cage. Happy people choose to let go of the bananas in their lives. they let go of the petty offenses, critical remarks from others and let go of things from past thus releasing others to their highest good and at the same time setting themselves free.8. Happy people Know How to Create "Happenings"Happy people do not wait for happiness to find them, they know what they have to do in order to creat moments of happiness in their life. First, they have taken the time to figure what it is that makes them happy. Secondly, the make definite plans to create more of those experiences. Thirdly, they keep a journal and jot down new experiences that make them feel happy so they can work toward replicating them in the future. They have a recipe book of strategies they use to create their own moments of happiness. I have a recipe, a ritual, a set strategy and system I use each time before I speak before a group of people as I anticipte raising the positive energy level in the room. It works despite what is happening inmy life at time or despite how I feel. Happy people know how to set themselves up to win in terms of creating life experiences that will result in happiness in their mind.Happiness is not something that is "Out There" that we need to search for or wait until it mysteriously arrives.Happiness can be experienced by slowly building these principles into our lives on a daily basis and moving away from our unresourceful beliefs and adopting new one's that empower us.Norman has over a decade of experience as a professional psychotherapist in the field of psychiatry. He holds a Master's degree and two earned Doctorate degrees in the field of counseling and is a Master NLP Practitioner. He is also a member of The Ontario Association of Consultants, Counselors, Psychometrists and Psychotherapists. He is the author of the audio book "The Success Formula" and his work has been featured in the media and journals. Currently, he is completing a book entitled "Breaking Point" Transforming the Life you Have into the Life You Want that will be published and released in September 2007.The most frequent comment organizations and meeting planners see on the speaker evaluation forms filled out by members of the audience is "When can we have Norman back to speak to us again?"
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