Home Add to Favorite Contact Submit  
             19 March, 2024
 

    
Category:  Articles » Reference & Education

 

The Secret of Happiness: Satisfying These 4 Needs

Popularity:
         Views: 2207
2016-05-05 08:31:42     
Article by Prof. Chandra Kant

The purpose of life is happiness.
If we are not happy, we cannot think of making others happy. A win-win situation is when we are happy and others are happy. If we are unhappy while making other happy, it is a lose-win situation. Being unhappy and making others unhappy is totally a lose-lose scenario.

Happiness is a result of satisfying our needs.
Selfish Needs
We begin our quest for happiness by satisfying self-centric needs. We focus on our personal needs – food, clothing, shelter, security. These needs do not need interaction with other human beings.

The next level of self-centric needs requires interacting with a select group of people. These are the need for love, affection and membership of a group. The need to belong to a group also helps satisfy security needs. When these needs are satisfied, we feel happy.

All the above are self-oriented, and we keep moving from one to the other, since these keep changing.
This is also a win-lose relationship, as our need fulfilment MAY be contingent on others’ unhappiness.

Symbiotic Needs
We realise that to satisfy some needs, we also have to give something in return.The relationship moves from ‘taking’ to ‘give-and-take’, and a negotiation happens whether both parties in a relationship are giving equally. This is a matter of perception, and if one party feels he is not getting enough, then there are issues. We are buying the satisfaction of our needs by giving something of worth to the other person. This may seem like a barter, as there is no common currency and the valuation of the relationship is subjective.

By the way, ‘relationships’ do not just mean emotional couples, but include other one-to-one (boss – subordinate) and one-to-many relationships (member’s relationship with the group). If the relationship is based on symbiotic needs, then the perception of what one gets from this relationship determines the quality of the relationship.

This agreement is still selfish, and such a relationship and resulting happiness is short-lived, if one person feels he is being short-changed or his needs will be better satisfied elsewhere. We start looking for happiness with another person, another boss, another job and another group.
The need of one person in the relationship can become so selfish, that he/she holds on to the relationship with both hands, suffocating the relationship and the other person. This creates unhappiness and results in alienation. Again, this can happen in couples, in jobs and in families. There is no free will and can become exploitative, if one person depends on the other.

Unselfish Needs
If I loved a bird, my first instinct is to keep it in a cage. I am happy, the bird may not be. We may rationalise this situation by saying that the bird’s needs for food and shelter are being satisfied. We assume that these are the only needs.

If I release the bird, two things can happen.
1. The bird flies away, never to return or
2. the bird returns and stays with me out of free will.

Either way, the bird is happy.
To really give someone happiness and therefore achieve true happiness, we need to free the bird.

Fear of Exploitation
While discussing this philosophy with friends, one friend said,
“I am sure even Mother Teresa would have felt bad when she would have seen someone buying liquor with the money given to him for food!!”
Yes, it is true that we feel disappointed when people exploit us. I have a few thoughts on that.

1. A drunkard is a victim, not a villain. He did not willingly become a drunkard, in order to face social stigma. He now has needs, psychological and physiological, and he believes these can be satisfied by liquor. We are judging from our frame of reference, which says that food is more important, and our money should be used as WE deem fit.
This is conditional giving, not free giving. Once we give the alcoholic the money, we have relinquished our hold on the act of giving. If we were so convinced that food was more relevant, we could have offered food instead of money.
Such people are entitled to compassion, not judgement
2. How many friends do we have, and how many have exploited us? If the number is low, should we change our attitude and become cynical, to the detriment of our positivity and therefore impacting our other relationships?
3. Does this cynicism mean that we are still in symbiotic need fulfilment stage? Does it mean that we are disappointed that we are not getting enough in return – our need to feel wanted, of gratitude, or expiation of some guilt?
I know that is is difficult in this materialistic world to be truly altruistic, and we will succumb to selfish and symbiotic need fulfilment. I just wish that we do this knowingly, with the understanding that this happiness is short-lived.

Specialized in: Self Help - Self Esteem - Confidence - Motivation
URL: http://iba.ac.in/
Print article      Bookmark this page
Related Articles 
What You Need To Do In Your Career When You Are 22 ? (Popularity: ): 22-year-old people are smart, interesting, dynamic, and very high on energy! It’s an age where there can be a breakthrough in their career if they get the right advice. However, there are things related to their career that no one will share them, and here’s a list of that advice:Embrace constructive criticism: When you put your heart and soul into your work, it becomes a bit tough to take feedback personally ...
Landmark Forum Brings Major Transformation in Personality (Popularity: ): Upsides and downsides are the part and parcel of life, without which living is merely an ongoing stable experience. The joys and sorrows bring emotions that make life worth living. It is, however, different as to how people perceive their personal self and the manner in which they treat every situation they encounter. Where some people succeed in overcoming obstacles with ease, others struggle hard. In the latter case, Landmark ...
The Various Aspects of Selecting a Good Dissertation Writing Services (Popularity: ): Having a good dissertation is essential. Writing one of own would require extensive time and effort. Alternatively, you can hire good Dissertation Writing Services. A professional service hires efficient writers and works according to your instructions to develop high quality papers. However, if you are careless about selecting a suitable service, you not only lose financially, but you also miss the deadline and wreck your career. There are several aspects ...
How Do I Attract Hummingbirds To My Yard? (Popularity: ): Create a hummingbird haven in your very own backyard! Hummers are delight to watch and are not too hard to attract. The first order of business would be to place a hummingbird feeder in your garden. Most hummingbird feeders are red, as red is notorious for attracting hummers. But if your feeder is not red you can tie a red ribbon at the top. You can also place your feeder ...
There Is More To Know About Journalism Than I Thought (Popularity: ): When I decided to make freelance writing a career, I found that the best market was newspaper writing. I did not major in journalism in college, and really didn't understand Associated Press style as well as I probably should have. What I soon found out was that there was a lot more to know about journalism than I originally thought.One of the first lessons that I learned is that numbers ...


Related Business 
Happiness Podcast (Popularity: ): Happiness comes to them who opens their door for small treats that life provides to them. So be happy and live longer! Asking someone to define happiness is like asking him/her to define success. Happiness can mean a lot of different things, and the definition may vary from one person to another. To one person, happiness may mean having lots of possessions. To another person, happiness may mean being very ...
Science Of Global Peace Through Happiness (Popularity: ): Happiness and peace have always been our need, which is recognized world over. The Declaration of Independence of United States of America also mentions the famous phrase of "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness." Our website is an effort to touch the basics of happiness and achieve a peaceful world in the process. We believe that happiness can be better attained by blending the wisdom from spiritual, philosophical, scientific ...
Secret Secret (Popularity: ): Gothic synthpop band. Images, audio clips, news, and links to their influences.
The Way to Happiness International (Popularity: ): A nonprofit organization whose purpose is to disseminate the book "The Way to Happiness." Suggestions for use in schools, organizations, and businesses.
Happiness Club (Popularity: ): Happiness is an inner state of well being.
Monique Cox MFTI (Popularity: ): Therapy is a journey to find one’s true self. Life trauma, or trials, often blocks the way to happiness. I would like the opportunity to help you find happiness by working through, and helping you heal from those struggles.
Maternity Secret - Pregnancy Week By Week (Popularity: ): Maternity Secret is a website contains everything you need to know while pregnancy. We hope you enjoy the maternity secret! One moment you can feel happy and comfortable sitting on your living room couch snuggled up in your favorite track suit and suddenly the next moment you feel you can’t even breathe because the waist band is too tight.
Marthe Janssen-Leyder (Popularity: ): Belgian secret army operative describes her secret life and work for her local resistance group, the 59th Brigade Geheim Leger.
No Credit Check (Popularity: ): Boasts of staffs having adequate expertise and experience in the field of facilitating loans at short notice. Our professionally decent relations with all the concerned lenders further help in arranging loan satisfying your requirements and comfort. Be it a lower rate of interest or comfortable repayment tenure you name it and we will arrange the apt loan satisfying your criteria..
Happiness and Interest (Popularity: ): Hubbard explains why some people enthusiastically start projects or relationships but get bored and give up on them. He also explains the anatomy of happiness, and how one can generate one's own enthusiasm and interest in life.