Empathy in Negotiation

Negotiation takes place when two people or more, with different views, come together to attempt to reach agreement on some issue. It is the mutual act of coordinating areas of interest. It may be a one-off event or part of an ongoing relationship. Negotiation is a form of communication, a persuasive and bargaining communication. Persuasive communication is getting what you want however, negotiation is about getting the best possible deal in the best possible way. This is where empathy comes in.

Recognize and Identify Emotions

Most inexperienced negotiators are not adept at recognizing the myriad of emotions that occur when human interaction has different levels of stress.

To start your education in this, begin by identifying your own emotions in different situations, recognizing when your buttons are being pushed and how you react.

Build up a repertoire of emotion-free responses so that they can give you breathing space when you need to collect yourself during a negotiation process.

Throughout the course of your day, make it a habit to check your feelings. Are you happy, content, joyous, curious, frustrated, stressed, sad, nervous, or elated?

What occurred that you went into those states? How long does it take for you to get back your equilibrium?

Once you are aware of your own emotions, observe those of your family and friends. Learn from their reactions. You can then use the same skills to identify the emotional states of your counterparts in a negotiation situation, and be better equipped to handle them and yours as well under pressure.

Rephrase the Content

If you restate the comments of your counterparts word for word when you need clarification, it will sound awkward, and could potentially annoy them.The key is to restate the content using different words and that way you will discover if the intended meaning has been successful. This skill is also very important when giving instructions as it will be evident by the reframe whether the person has understood what your intended instruction was.

Make noncommittal Responses

A good way to start reflective statements is with such phrases as:

It sounds to me...

It appears that...

It seems like...

If you were to say: You are angry because..., most people would defend themselves and deny it. This would be confrontational rather than mediatory and empathetic.

Make educated Guesses

If you want to clarify what was said without being dogmatic, use any of the phrases above, but keep the content and emotion neutral. Educated guesses work well because even if your guess is not entirely accurate, it will most likely encourage your counterpart to respond and clarify his true feelings.

Ask open-ended Questions

To get the dialog going ask open-ended questions which need longer responses. Closed questions which only require an affirmative or negative response are too limiting.

Active Listening

Rather than concentrating on your own needs, turn your attention to the other person by asking such questions as: What are your needs? How can I help you? And then listen. Whenever possible, turn the conversation around the other person, talking about people, places and things that are important to him.

It has been said that by showing interest in people you can make more friends in 20 minutes than you can in 20 weeks, by showing interest you indicate that they are important.

Like everything, perfect practice makes perfect. These skills need rehearsing and rehearsing, one at a time until you feel at ease with them. It is better to practice them when you are not in a tense situation and internalize them in readiness for when you will need them.

Gloria M Hamilten is a recognized authority in disciplines within Personal Development, such as Time Management, Negotiation Skills, Developing High-Performance Teams, Assertion Skills, Building International Rapport, Conflict Management and Resolution, Presentation and Platform Skills, and in Neuro-Linguistic Programming. She has her own training business, and conducts courses for Businesses, Sporting groups and Educational Institutions in Australia.

Her professional experience covers over 30 years of study, research, one-on-one coaching, group coaching, presentations and workshops. Her clientèle includes children as well as adults. She has authored: "Successful Self-Hypnosis".

Her websites, connect4results and neuro-linguistic-pro-site provide a wealth of informative articles and resources on everything within these genres.

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http://www.connect4results.com
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