When my husband passed away, my in-laws decided not to have anything to do with me. I was left to cope with my sorrow and sadness as well as the fact that my in-laws buried my husband without my knowledge and only reluctantly let me know where they had actually scattered his ashes.

If in your situation, your nearest family members do not help or support you, then it is time to look for alternatives solutions e.g. professionals who work with people situations like yours. After waiting for a year, I was finally appointed a bereavement counselor who helped me to see my own situation in a different light. She told me that I was not only a survivor, but a hero. I have made the most out of the fact that I was never going to be able to organize a funeral for my husband, that he was not buried but cremated and that his ashes were already scattered without asking for my opinion about his last resting place. I decided to buy a memorial tree in his memory and the tree helped me to understand the importance of having some kind of closure. It is important to have an ending to someone's passing away. A new beginning is possible when there is an end.

It was a long struggle before I could even to think about leaving the past behind me. But then the day came when I did not think about my husband and his death at all for the whole day and I knew then that my life was starting to change. I battled to forgive to my in-laws, my heart was broken and my feelings were bruised but I decided to do what I could in my circumstances: move forward no matter how slowly and how painful it was going to be.

Today when I look back at my life, I am proud to say that I did not bury my head in the sand and let the world go by. I lived through my pain and agony, I stopped asking the why-questions, I was open to all the kinds of help that I could find and I accepted my situation. I could only take small steps at that time. I stopped blaming myself of not being able to move forward faster.

Today I say to myself with hand on my heart that I did my very best concerning the circumstances. I can look at myself in the mirror and say that there really is no need to think and analyze - if I could live my life again what would I do differently? I do not have a second chance to live my life again. It really is now or never. Life is not a rehearsal. And if I choose not to live now, then I will have lost my chance to live my life fully. I know only too well that a beloved member of my family passed away too young and never realized the wonders of his life. I have stopped thinking whether my life is actually worth living, I AM alive!

Copyright 2007 Kristina Julin-Stringer

I lost three family members in 2005 including my husband. My in-laws did not want me to know about my husband's death and they cremated him without letting me know. After challenging them they reluctantly told me about his last resting place. After my husband's death I also found out about his infidelity.

While my life has been a remarkable odyssey of survival, these articles have been written as a triumph over adversity and a tribute to the power of faith. I have dedicated these articles to an apple tree, which has been planted for the memory of my husband.