A Bluffers Guide To Philosophy

Have you every wondered whether the Kantian categorical imperative of modern deontological ethics, necessitates an unnecessarily egoist view of morality?

Have you ever wondered why philosophers who seek the meaning of life, end up being miserable old men, only good for falling over their excessively long sentences and mental juxtapositions?

Did you ever struggle to get a third in a philosophy exam, through reading cheat sheets, which tell you how you are supposed to criticise a book you have no understanding of?

Key points of Philosophy

1. The longer the sentence is, the less likely people will be able to understand it; this gives you an intellectual edge, over your rivals; how can people criticise you when they don't understand what you say?; as a general rule if you can stretch a sentence to last a whole page you are doing well, by the time the reader gets to the end of the sentence they will have forgotten how it started, therefore, they will have to go back to the beginning; this is why most philosophy students are unable to read the great works of philosophy; they get stuck on the first page, and therefore, the philosopher wins his argument.

2. Don't use short simple words that people may understand. Philosophers have a duty to help sell full editions of the Oxford English dictionary. If you fill your writings with simple, short words people may be able to easily follow your train of argument. This is not good, we don't want the average person to be able to understand the meaning of life.

3. Don't use Humour.

This is absolutely forbidden. How undignified it would be for readers to start sniggering in the philosophy library. As a philosopher it is your duty to take yourself very seriously. If you don't take yourself seriously how can you expect people to give importance to your philosophy.

4. Always try to explain the infinite with finite concepts.

Philosophers are really clever people. Any ordinary Tom, Dick and Harry may think; how can the omniscient, omnipotent and all pervading infinite consciousness be expressed, analysed, studied and proved with mere words? Philosophers don't let barriers like this stop them. They are so clever they can make the limitations of the English language solve mysteries which are far beyond the domain of the intellect.

Tejvan became interested in meditation and eastern mysticism whilst studying at University. After studying various spiritual traditions he became a meditation student of Sri Chinmoy. Tejvan now offers meditation classes on behalf of the Sri Chinmoy Centre in Oxford. Other articles on self improvement at: Sri Chinmoy Inspiration