Those of us who have been mentored know that it takes an extraordinary person to touch and affect people’s lives in such a unique way. Mentors must be many things, but they must primarily be a person who draws everything there is to be gained from an experience. Experience teaches us wisdom, knowledge, morality, and human nature to name a few. But a mentor internalizes the feelings and emotions gained from life’s experiences and translates them into the words that can lead, guide, educate, and heal.

One may assume that experience and emotional learning occur naturally in everyone but this is not always true. How often do we go through the motions of life without ever really articulating the feelings we experience? It requires careful monitoring and a thorough memory to take the emotional lessons life teaches us and turn them into lessons for another. A mentor is a mentor long before they meet their partner or make a commitment. They are a lifelong interpreter of feelings associated with experience. It is more than learning from encounters. It is more than remembering encounters. It is reliving the encounter every time they share the experience.

When a mentor shares an experience they recapture the feelings they had at the time and put them into the context of the present. Sharing the feelings they had when they faced a challenge takes more than just retelling the events and time frames. To be genuine and authentic they must touch the actual feeling of challenge, with its fears and excitement, and put those feelings into words.

It is the authenticity of feeling that truly enriches the mentoring process. We have all had conversations where stories are told and walked away with only knowledge of a specific event. In mentoring we walk away with much more. The energy and authenticity of our mentor’s words are the elements that make mentoring far more than a conversation. They are the elements that inspire and motivate us. They are guidance with the energy to motivate us to take action and make changes.

When mentoring is part of the career process we have the chance to develop our lives with the knowledge and wisdom of another’s experience. When that knowledge and wisdom are shared with genuine feeling we don’t just learn—we absorb. It is what allows us to choose a path, take a risk, and learn from our mistakes. It gives us the vigor to make these decisions and choices. It takes a lot of energy to live and grow in the business world and it is the lack of that energy that leads to apathy and ambivalence. More than seeking advice, seeking mentoring is reaching out for the power to control and influence our world.

You may wonder how you will know if someone is truly a mentor or just someone who is giving advice. Once you have met a mentor, the difference will become obvious. Your mentoring sessions will leave you motivated and intrigued, not fearful or apprehensive about decisions you are now faced with. The mentoring experience is a truly remarkable relationship and it is no wonder that so many professionals credit their success to mentoring. Some of the most influential and successful business people sought and received mentoring early in their careers and achieved incredible things.

All these things are possible because mentors mentor with their hearts. That vital and powerful part of them is what allows them to have such an impact on the lives of others. Sharing their hearts, with all its intrinsic hopes and dreams, gives them the authenticity to guide and enrich. When you meet a true mentor it is not hard to believe them because they have a consistency that one can trust and believe in. The emotions they share are consistent with the words and experiences they impart. When you find a mentor you have found a valuable treasure and the process deserves your efforts and respect. Future articles will cover how to be a good partner in mentoring and how mutual nurturing is essential to the process. Mentoring is such a complex concept that this article alone only touches the surface of such an exciting and beneficial process.

Melissa Vokoun is a successful Business Advisor and Trainer. From 1983 to 2005 she was COO and VP of Sales and Marketing for a national telecom equipment distributor. Her passion for business, working with clients in solving critical issues in the strategic, tactical and operational areas of growth continues. She is now President and Founder of NuVo Partners and Successful Business Advisors. To learn more about the services available, please visit the website at: or call 847-392-6886.