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I spent the first 40 years of my life trying to fit in to a way of being that didn't belong to me. I would go to parties and want to hide out in the corner and watch people. I'd come home from large social gatherings exhausted. I hated having to make small talk and chat about things that really didn't mean much to me. While those around me would go from group to group and all talk at once, I looked on in bewilderment. I disliked large gatherings and preferred the sanctuary of my own space. I loved quiet pursuits and preferred to work by myself or in small groups. I felt like a fish out of water, both socially and professionally, most of the time.
When I was a little girl, my mother marveled that I preferred to play with my cats instead of a bunch of other kids, that I was quiet and seemed rather distant, and when I did say something, it usually was the kind of thing that seemed very deep and insightful. She always said that I marched to a different drummer. As a child I thought that meant that there was something wrong with me. It took a long time to get past that.
Don't get me wrong - I liked playing with other kids - one or two at a time. I like people - a lot - just not a bunch of people at once. I love conversation, but I can't just talk and talk. I take time to think about what's going on and being said and usually spout my thoughts in very succinct snippets. I revel in the prospect of a quiet evening at home reading or puttering in the garden. To about three quarters of the population, I am a mystery. A weird person. Not so long ago, I might have been thought to have a mental disability. To about one quarter of the population, I am just like them. I'm an introvert.
Contrary to popular belief, introverts are not necessarily shy. And introverts don't dislike other people. I have no problem giving speeches to large groups. And I care deeply about others. But because I live my life on the inside, I am sometimes mistaken for being distant and shy.
Here are some important things to know about introverts:
- Unlike extroverts, introverts get "recharged" by spending time by themselves. Introverts seek out solitude to replenish themselves. This shouldn't be feared or discouraged. It's how an introvert keeps mental balance.
-Introverts find social gatherings exhausting and the smart introvert will find ways to take the edge off of the feeling of being overwhelmed at a large gathering by quietly retreating to a quiet spot for a few moments now and then. This is healthy, balanced behavior, and an observant person will notice other introverts doing this as well.
- Introverts are not necessarily shy; in fact, there are many well-known performers who are introverts: Candice Bergen, Glenn Close, Clint Eastwood, Tom Hanks, Steve Martin, Julia Roberts and Noah Wyle to name only a few.
- Introverts tend to take time to absorb information before commenting or offering thoughts and opinions (that's why they don't say much in a crowd or at a business meeting).
- There is scientific evidence that indicates that an introvert's brain actually processes information differently than an extrovert's. Really, there's a ton of research - just do a web search or head for the library.
- If you get an introvert to speak up about something they know a lot about, or feel passionate about, they may rival an extrovert in ability to talk at length. But introverts aren't generally comfortable with small talk.
- Introversion, like any other trait we are born with, is not a choice. It just is. Or to quote Jonathon Rauch, "It's an orientation".
- Introverts are not miserable and they don't need to be converted.
- Most introverts do not enjoy talking a lot on the phone (thank God for email).
- Introverts are generally very good listeners, but sometimes we get tired of listening and prefer peace and quiet.
If you are an introvert and have experienced stress because you don't fit in - Rejoice! You don't have to! Be who you are! If you're an extrovert wondering what the heck is wrong with introverts, just realize that we're different. One way is not better than the other way. Just different, and once we all just realize that, maybe we'll all relax with it.
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