Depression And Self Discovery

Not long ago I was the poster child for psychotropic drug use. Over a 23 year period my doctors had sequentially assigned to me the labels of Depression, Adult ADD and Bi-polar Disorder. With each diagnosis a new drug was assigned to my treatment regiment. At the peak I was taking Wellbutrin and Effexor (both antidepressants), Depakote (a mood stabilizer), Buspar (for anxiety) and Concerta (a timed released form of Ritalin). My life evolved around the monthly doctor visit where I would routinely receive a dosage increase or a new medication. I would follow each visit with a trip to my local pharmacy where I spent on average $750 a month to support my legal drug habit.

With three different mental illnesses I thought my chances of ever living a normal life were very, very bleak. I had been told over and over that I had a hereditary chemical imbalance and that I would have to be on the medicine for the rest of my life.

Then one December my psychiatrist went out of town unexpectedly. I cut my usual dosages in half in order to make it to my next appointment and something remarkable happened, I began to feel better. All of a sudden I was not as tired or depressed or agitated or suicidal. I had more energy and slept better at night.

When my doctor returned I told him what I had done. He berated me for "going off" my medication, wrote five new scripts and instructed me to get them filled immediately. He ignored my questions about why would I feel better with less medicine, or why would I have so much more energy with fewer pills.

I walked out of his office mad that he had ignored me and suspicious that I was not being told the whole truth. I began to suspect that the drugs were the cause of a lot of my problems. At that point I decided to stop relying solely on my doctor's advice and start looking for my own information about my diseases and the medicine I was taking.

Over the next 12 months I worked with alternative health care providers and developed a plan to get off the drugs. Then after going through seven months of drug withdrawal I broke out of my pharmaceutical coma. I came out the other side of a long and dark tunnel free of Depression, Adult ADD and Bi-polar Disorder.

I also discovered that I did not know who I was. For over half of my life I had been on psychotropic drugs that had suppressed my emotions, including the good ones. For over half my life I had been numbed out to the world around me. I now struggle with knowing what I like, dislike or even what I want to do when I grow up. But I do not suffer from mental illness.

Jeffrey Wilson is a survivor of 23 years of psychiatric drug treatment, a former executive in the pharmaceutical industry and the author of Irrational Medicine: The Antidepressant Crisis and How To Avoid Unnecessary Behavioral Drugs. He is a recognized expert in overcoming depression and is passionate about each person's ability to recover and create a life full of joy and meaning.